When Love is Not Enough

Posted on: June 6, 2007

It’s just funny how suddenly you feel world seems to spin faster than you think. Well, here I am stuck in the middle of the world and carried away by the trends of the world. This year, I found out that many people at my age – well, around my age – are getting married or already married. If you ask me how many are they. I can say 1 girl from my highschool, 1 girl from my Indo church, 5 girls at my work, 1 boy from my current church.

The greatest vibe of ‘married’ thingy comes from my work place. Since I work in such a small lab, these 5 girls always talk about their wedding plan. It doesn’t bother me, though. In fact, I was sort of carried away with them. I started to fantasize what my ‘perfect’ wedding would be. Even one night I dreamt about it hahaha… Well in my dream, I was wearing a white wedding gown with a golden silk ribbon around my waist and a short tail (omg… i really get infected by my girlfriends hahaha). Then, the reception place was covered with white fabric and golden ribbon too. On each table, red roses were placed and there were candles everywhere. Ok ok.. I will stop talking too much about my fantasy wedding.

Back to reality… I and Yudi has been together for 2 years now. I’m not sure if it’s because we’re in a happy month or what, but our relationship is going strong. And this past weeks, I really can feel that he loves me so much (or because it’s the effect of Dawson’s Creek that he watched non-stop 24/7 hehehe). Anyway, it’s a good thing – at least for me =P I bugged him many times about being engaged and me like to be proposed and given an engagement ring. At the first time, he was surprised and thought that I was serious about that. Well, I was sort of serious but just playing around at the same time. But overtime, he knew that I just bugged him (lol). His answer is always constant ‘NO’. Hurt? nope! Disapointed? At first, yes, but now that I re-think about that, I’m glad that he said no. Why?

Well, it takes TONES of thing to get to that stage. Engagement or mariage is not a simple thing. Although we love each other, it is not enough to build a family. BUT it’s ONE of the basic requirement for building a family! I know that me and him are always wanted to stay at Canada. We’re always talking about getting a permanent residence, how to get a job, how to do mortgage, and other stuffs that we want to do here. We want to build our own life, starting from zero in Vancouver. It’s not like our parents don’t want to contribute anything after we’re graduating, but I guess we have a challenging-mind about our life. I, personally, love to challange myself in most of things. I consider my effort to be a Canadian PR as my current challange. And yet, I’m still far away from achieving that goal. I know Yudi also wants to stay here since he got paid more here than in Indo. So it’s more likely that we should focus on achieving our goal – at least to survive and stay in Canada first and get decent job to start a family.

So now, for me, it takes love (which I already have) and status to be prepared. But one crucial thing is MONEY! Well, nobody can life without money. And yet again, I promise myself that my wedding and honey moon cost should be covered by my own money. My parents could help a little bit, but I don’t want to be a burden for them. Then, recalling a conversation with my other friends at work, he has planned to buy a house with his girlfriend! What he says amaze me and encourages me to do the same! At least, me and Yudi should start a mortgage before we get married. And before then, I hope we get a decent job that pays well.

I wouldn’t think about life after marriage for now. I’ll leave it for another 5 or 6 or undefinete years from now. These little tid-bits really open my eyes that starting a family is now simply following a trend to marry at young age or merely to be popular among your friends. It takes TONES of consideration besides your feeling. Am I ready to get married soon? I can say with confidence that I’m NOT! When am I getting married? Hm… I can’t say it for now, but if it’s the time I know that I would be ready emotionaly and economically.

Also, what’s the disadvantage of being in relationship with the one I love? I’m in love and be loved. I’m getting to know his character which prepares me to the next stage. I’m free to walk away if we’re find no way out of our differences. I’m committed and he’s too. I think I’m happy with what I am right now. I believe that if it’s my time, God will lead His way for me.


2 Responses to "When Love is Not Enough"

OMG!!!! Kamu orang Indo?!!! What are the chances?!! Dari tadi aku blogwalking (bukan stalking ya I swear) hahahaha and I didn’t know you’re Indonesian. =)
Yaiy! Because me too! (duh, obviously)

Hahaha… what a small world! 🙂

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