Please be strong, Honey!

Posted on: September 10, 2012

I got a devastating news last week. I started last Tuesday when I had tendonitis. I just happened to notice that Honey, my rabbit, wasn’t eating as much. Even when I let her out of her cage, she just sit still and seemed so weak (she usually run around and around and around when I let her out). First, I thought she was just sleepy but then on Wednesday, she was weaker. She wouldn’t lick my finger and didn’t touch her food at all – even her treat! On Friday, lucky that my brother came home from school early, I brought her to the vet. The first doctor who saw her was not her regular doctor. It seemed that he was a bit clueless. He said that it might have to do with Gastro Intestinal Problem – which she had the same thing a year ago. I refused to let Honey stay at the hospital since I am very confident that I can force-feed her and give her medication (even though I have to wake 2 am in the morning). But then this first doctor consulted her problem with Honey’s regular doctor. After the second exam, it seemed that she had some lumps in her abdomen. This doctor then recommended me to let Honey stay at the hospital for the weekend and see if it’s GI problem or other things.

On the weekend, I called the hospital everyday. And it seemed that Honey still didn’t want to eat the alfalfa. Fast forward to today, Monday. I was hoping that I could pick her up to go home. But instead, the doctor showed me the X-ray of her abdomen. I could see there were one or maybe several lumps at her lower abdomen and it started to calcify. The doctor recommended that she needs surgery to see what the lump is. It might be uterine tumor or worst, cancer :S I visited Honey at her kennel today. She seems weak and might lose some weight. She was jumpy too since there was a dog barking from another room. I gave her carrot and treat that I brought from home. She ate one carrot and it made my heart a bit at ease. At least she still wants to eat something.

Tomorrow is Honey’s surgery. There’s 50:50 chance that she might or might not wake up from anaesthesia. I’ve been crying the whole weekend. Even yesterday when I cut some carrots for dinner, this little thing reminds me of Honey – how she always jumps around when she smells the carrot bits that I bring to her. My heart is torn. If I refuse to do the surgery, she won’t eat anyway. On the other hand, those 50% chance that she might not wake up frightens me to death. I keep assuring myself that Honey IS a SURVIVOR. Since she was born, she is the only one who survive until now – all 3 other siblings were dead since her mom refused to nurse them. Also, 2 weeks ago, she survived the anaesthesia from her toe amputation. Oh God! Please please let her wake up tomorrow. I know tonight and tomorrow will be the longest day of my life. I might not be sleeping tonight like yesterday since all I can see and think whenever I close my eyes is HONEY.

While driving to work & to the vet today, so many questions popped in my head. Am I a good enough mom for Honey? I should’ve let her out more often or I should’ve spent more time to play with her or I should’ve taken more pictures of her. I just don’t want to think that today is my last time seeing her. I want to be optimist that she WILL DEFINITELY survive the surgery tomorrow! Sometimes, I think why there’s always be this moment where everything is uncertain. Even my hubby said that I worry too much for such a pet. But then, Honey is NOT just a pet. She’s the first living thing that makes me feel like I have something to protect, take care, and always love. People may think I’m a bit crazy to love a rabbit that much. But for me, Honey is something that I give my heart out but I never expect the love back (well, I’m pretty sure she loves me too).

As for now, I know it’s hopeless to cry at uncertainties. I just pray that God still gives me a chance to make Honey happy one last time. Please Honey, be strong for me…. There’re lots of people who love you too.

With love and lots of pray,


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September 2012
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