AndromedHa

Ate~Played~Loved

Posted on: September 22, 2012

It’s been a week since Honey passed away. Yes, it happened so quick, in fact within 24 hours my world changed around. Last Friday after work, I visited Honey at the animal hospital. I could see that she was so happy to see me. As soon as I entered the room, she wanted to jumped from the nurse who held her. When the nurse put her on the table, she immediately run and stood up against my chest wanted me to hold her. I played for sometime with her and held her before I went home. That night, I was super happy since I thought my baby was going to go home soon!

Saturday morning…. I was in the bank when I received a call from the vet. He said Honey was limping. She dragged her right foot when she walked. My heart dropped but still I had hope for her since she was very healthy last night. I rushed to the hospital and met her. When the doctor gave her to me, I had a very bad vibe. Honey could barely walk! As soon as she saw me, she wanted to stood up but she couldn’t. I cried and cried. She was just helpless and I couldn’t believe that within 24 hours everything went downhill! I was angry and mad. Me and my husband spent about an hour in the room with Honey. We tried to find some answers to what happened to her in the last 24 hours that made her so sick. But all the efforts just seemed to make me more anxious. I couldn’t breathe and think anymore so we decided to take Honey home.

I’d never seen Honey so quiet before. Even in the car, I didn’t put her in her carrier. I just held her in my arms and she just stayed still. At home, I just sat in front of TV with her in my arms. She tried to walk couple times but then it seemed that her other foot got weaker too, so she gave up. When I put her in her cage, she just stayed still, barely moved at all! When I tried to force-feed her, she spitted all the food and didn’t want to drink too. Around 2 pm, I held her in my arms and watched TV. Eat, Pray, Love was happened to be on TV. For the full 2 hours, we watched that and Honey seemed to sit comfortable on my chest.

After the movie, I took a nap and I had a dream where me and my husband visited a huge dome shaped hospital to take Honey home. All the residents there wore white clothes. I didn’t remember the detail but at the end of my dream there were 2 little boys holding one rabbit each. One was holding Honey and the other boy was holding a smaller rabbit. They gave both rabbit to me and said that Honey could go home with the other rabbit since the other rabbit only wanted to play with Honey. And they also warned me that Honey could be a little aggressive since she bit the other rabbit earlier but she seemed to enjoy the company. I was woken up by my brother calling me that Honey ate a little piece of cantaloupe that he gave her. My heart swelled a bit and I thought maybe it was all positive signs that Honey would get better.

Before dinner, I took Honey to my back yard. I hoped that fresh air would help her. My husband checked her leg and it seemed that her right leg had already gone dead. I put her on her cage and had my dinner. Around 9 pm, I went upstairs and saw that Honey had a hard time to breathe and kept gasping for air. I screamed to my husband and immediately held Honey to my chest. It wasn’t long when she gasped twice for the last time and gone…… I screamed and tried to shake her and just couldn’t believe that she’s gone! I felt there’s a big hole in my heart and nothing can replace it.

Even now, a week later, I still had dreams about rabbit some other nights. I missed Honey’s soft shiny fur, I missed her sound when she drinks from her water bottle and the sound of her bowls clink when she’s asking for food. No more stomping noise in the morning to get my attention, no more cute little beady eyes who I can look into when I’m bored. The sweetest little bunny who accompanied me in 6.5 years through sad and happy times just disappears. I just realized whenever I went home from work, I don’t go straight to upstairs since I still can feel the pain of not seeing Honey in her cage. No one licked my fingers when I came home from work and it still hurts me. Even when I’m upstairs, I close my bedroom door so I don’t see the space where her cage. And just yesterday, when I shopped at H&M, I realized that I tried to avoid touching furry stuffs, just because it reminded me of Honey a lot.

A lot of people actually showed some supports to me that made me a little better. Even the doctor called me last Monday to offer his condolences and gave some explanations on what he thought was happened to Honey. He said that Honey had hard time to poo in couple days and in this case, the chance of getting stroke was higher. He also thought maybe the cancer from her uterus had already spread to the spinal cord or even her brain. It brought some closure to me. Since I was blaming myself of not bring Honey home on Friday – the day I visited her when she seemed very healthy.

It’s hard to lose something so precious little friend. Honey may not be able to speak to show her love to me. But I know her snuggles and her nose tap to my foot showed her that she wanted me to pet her. For some people, I may be weird by grieving over the death of my rabbit pet. I always love Honey as my baby girl. She always has a special place in my heart and I will never forget her. Thanks for 6.5 years we shared together filled with lots of memories and fun times. Honey, you ate good food (esp. cantaloupe, carrots, and banana), you played a lot with me (my fave is when you just sit there when I studied on the couch), and you are loved by many people – even the one who never saw you. Hop away with your siblings to the rainbow bridge….

M.a.J

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