Forever in my Heart

Posted on: February 22, 2013

Hiya… I know I’ve been in hiatus for the past 5 months. For some reason, I temporarily lost my passion to write since Honey – my pet rabbit – died last September. As you can see on my icon / profile pic, that cute bunny had been in my life for the past 6.5 years. Losing her has left me in a great depth of grieve. So, I decided to write a post on my experince with losing someone that is really precious to my heart – who sadly would be 7 years old today.

As a little background, I got Honey from my college friend. His roommate’s bunny gave birth to a total of 4 baby bunnies. The mom didn’t want to wean the babies so two of them didn’t survive the first day. My college friend told me the next day when we were on 8 am Biochemical class that story. As soon as I heard it, I had butterflies in my stomach since I’d been wanted to have a rabbit for quite sometimes. However, I kept my excitement to myself until the following day when my friend told me that another rabbit had died because the mom wouldn’t fed him/her. So, I braved myself and said to my friend that I would take the last baby bunny if he/she survive. Amazingly, the last bunny did survive! I was getting super excited. I still remember that my morning Biochem class was then not boring anymore because all we talked about was the bunny! My friend attentively fed the baby with lactose-free milk with a straw. Fast forward to March, I went to my friend’s apartment to pick up my baby bunny and it was my first time holding her and I was quite scared of this fragile baby. This grey fluff ball was shy at first and so suspicious of anything new. I put the baby in a small box and brought her home. Starting that day, my life had changed and I can proudly say that I’m a new mom 🙂

A lot has been going on in 6 years. For those who know me, I love to take pictures. During Honey’s first month, I took hundreds picture of her. I even put her in a tall Starbucks cup! That’s how petite she was! Honey was shy and didn’t want to be picked up at first. When I put her on my chest, she always turned away and put her buttock on my face hahaha… But one thing for sure, she loves when I stroke her forehead. Litter training was such a breeze with her. Even in young age, she was pretty good to know where to go for pee & poo. I also remember that one time she liked to go to my kitchen and hide under the fridge – again she was super petite – so I have to put a box to prevent her to go to the kitchen. One time when I brought her to my then-boyfriend house, she stole all the socks and put them in her cage. Even when I put the socks out, she would come back and grabbed the socks when I didn’t see her – what a tricky bunny! My favorite moment is during spring time. When the cherry was blossoming, the pretty pink background is super nice against her dark grey fur.

Some of my friends might argue that Honey was not all that sweet bunny. Some of them had been chased around by her hahaha…. She was one Energizer bunny and she wanted to play around. Even one of my good friend was afraid to go out from the room when Honey was out of her cage 😛 She wasn’t vicious or anything like that, I could say that Honey was a fast runner 😛 I was bitten, peed, and pooped so many times by her but I didn’t mind at all 🙂

Writing all the fun stuffs brought a lot of good memories of her. Yes, it was so painful when she’s gone. At one moment, I just couldn’t hold it any longer and I broke down in tears when I cut carrot for my dinner – just because carrot is Honey’s fave veggie! The other time, I cried for eating carrot because it reminded me of her. I think I stopped eating carrot after that incident for a month or two 😛 I even couldn’t pet any other bunny at the farm when me & my husband went for apple picking. The wound was just wide open and it stung and hurt a lot. I went asleep with tears in my eyes for more than a month. I even didn’t want to go home when I was off work since I know that nobody was at my house to greet me (my hubby goes home a bit later than me). I still miss her a lot today. I still get dreams about her once in a while. I kept myself busy with other activities, like baking and crocheting, but still there’s one empty spot in my heart that is irreplaceable. I’m still learning how to get back to the ‘normal’ life. My hubby suggested me to have another bunny and I was tempted to do so but still it won’t be the same as Honey. I don’t know how long the grieving period will last but I feel I’m getting better now.

Last Tuesday, I watch an episode of “The New Normal” titled Dog Children. It pretty much sums up what I feel about losing Honey. In that episode, there’s a couple who adopts a dog as their ‘training’ session to prepare them for parenthood. The puppy was cute and brightened their day until it cries in the middle of the night, chews all the shoes and expensive furniture, and begs for having ‘business’ outside in the morning. As good parents, they complied until one day, the now 9 months old dog behaved oddly. When the vet did an examination, the vet found that the dog has a twisted bowel. One of the couple agrees with the doctor to perform a surgery to correct the symptom while another person disagrees with the decision and insists on giving the dog a medication. They then decided to give the dog the medication and the dog seemed ok the following day. The vet suggested that the dog needs to be kept in the hospital for one night for precaution but then the next day, the dog died! This all too familiar with Honey’s case – the vet said she was ok and the vet would like to keep her one more night but the next day she got worse and died 😦 *My 2 cents: don’t trust the vet… if your gut said that your pet is ok, bring it home so he/she’s more comfortable in an environment that he/she was used to….* Anyway, the story line is way too similar to what happened to Honey.

At the end of the show, one of the couple said that he is broken hearted that the dog is gone since he loves the dog so much. The other person tries to console him and says that “don’t try to make sense of all the situation.” What’s done is done. What I think immediately as Honey was gone was that will Honey still be alive if I brought her home a day earlier? She might eat more at home since I know what she likes. She might not get a stroke because I will hold her in my arms. It just didn’t make any sense for me. Seeing how healthy she was the night before and got a phone call in the morning saying that she was limping and then she’s gone at that very night?! It just didn’t add up! Angry, disappointed, guilty… All were in a giant blender and I just couldn’t get anything but felt hurt.

Back to the TV show, one of the couple went to confession booth at his church and said that he’s sad that the puppy died but doesn’t want the pastor to say that the puppy will be forever in his heart. He wants the puppy in his lap!!! *AMEN to that! I want Honey in my lap right now!* Then the pastor said, “… without suffering, joy and happiness become commonplace. Like it or not, suffering and loss are what teaches us the life’s blessings.” And I realizes that it’s true. I really find it funny. It might be God’s way to remind me through a TV show (?!) since it strikes a very similar situation that I had and feel right now. I am blessed for every single moment I shared with Honey. She brought me smiles to my face and still is. Every little things that remind me of her, I no longer weep over them but I choose to cherish it and remember all the good memories I had with her. When I lost her, I felt like I lost my grip and nobody consoled or supported me – even my hubby could only hug me when I cried but deep down I know he’s happy that we no longer had pet hahahha…. 😛 But now, I know that I should hold tight to the sweet memories that we had.

Honey is truly one of the kind. No one will ever replace her. I might get a new pet or find a new hobby that makes me busy and forget my grieve but Honey will forever in my heart 🙂


2 Responses to "Forever in my Heart"

I’m a pet lover too. I understand how you felt. I hope you are much better now Melanie. =)
I once had a dog who had been with me since I was 5 years old, when I was 14 years old he was kidnapped. I couldn’t believe why somebody would do that to a dog. I was broken heart-ed for months. 😦

Yup… I know how it feels… Pet is like a family or a child for me. It’s really sad when they’re passed away or missing.

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